Bethany Mojica is a 34-year-old Texan residing in Kentucky. She and her husband, JC raise their son five-year-old son, Henry in a 115-year-old house. Bethany is passionate about applying the gospel to every aspect of life through God's inspired, living Word. 

I have been seeing a lot of lists on Facebook and Instagram recounting the past year and everyone’s top moments. I love seeing these and think remembering and recounting the year is a great practice. The older I get the quicker they go, so it makes me stop and ponder. I want to grow in the practice of reflecting on these passing years so that I don’t forget the things God has done in my life.

But truthfully, I am happy that this year is ending. This year has been hard. Not just the regular kind of hard, but the really difficult kind.

A Year I Wanted to End

Last year on January 1 my husband had a stroke. A perfectly healthy looking 32-year-old with no known medical issues suffered a stroke. The ink was not yet dry on our hopes and dreams for 2015 when everything around us crumbled. By God’s mercy his life was spared, but he didn’t walk for five days.

We waded through blurry days of rehab, physical therapy, occupational therapy, tests, scans, more tests, neurologists, hematologists, etc. Looking back it is almost unbearable to think about. Yet in the midst of it I was given just enough grace to walk through each day (minute by minute, truthfully). The big picture was too overwhelming to face, but God truly met us in the moments. He carried me through everything I needed to do. He gave me words to comfort our four-year-old when he couldn’t see his dad. He gave me friends and family who brought me popsicles and took me shopping for a new shirt when suddenly those seemed like the only things that would make me feel better. He provided $40,000+ for our medical bills. He providentially arranged so many details that I couldn’t possibly recount them here . . . He was near.

Later in the year I suffered a miscarriage. After years of struggling to conceive a second child, I had grown into God’s providential care in not providing us a child. I had accepted it. To learn that after all those years of waiting, someone had begun to grow in my womb, but then failed, was like ripping open a surgical wound that hadn’t fully healed. I felt despair looming close. The remainder of the year brought the heartache of a hope reawakened. Every random symptom seemed once again like it could be an early sign of pregnancy, not just gas.

The Year I Think I Deserve

When I really think about it, the reason I want 2015 to end is that I think I deserve better. I am a pretty nice person. My husband and I both work for our church. We love our families. We recycle. We deserve to be happy. We deserve to have more kids. We deserve to live until we are old and die together holding hands . . . right?

But this is wrong. It is all faulty thinking. You want to know what I deserve? Nothing. 

God’s word tells me, “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus” (Romans 3:23-24). Under God’s holy law all I have earned myself is death and destruction. I have woefully fallen short of the glory of God. BUT, I have been given “grace as a gift” in Jesus!! He stands in the gap for me. He lived the life I couldn’t and paid the debt I owe. 

Trusting God in Our Years

Because of God’s mercy through Jesus, I can wake up tomorrow, put on my pants, and not live in fear. I have a God who is near when I feel like things crumble and when they go as I hope. Because of the years when things crumbled, I know the sweetness of walking through dark valleys with Jesus by my side. I know the next time I see a negative pregnancy test, that I am still loved. I know the next time we get a bad health report, that God still sees us. He has provided Jesus, who is our transcendent hope in all of our circumstances. No matter the trials or joys, He means them all to draw us closer and deeper to Him. He longs to give us the very best thing in the world—sweet communion with Himself. 

January 1st is not always a popular day in our house. But in the face of another year of unknowns, we keep walking and praying that He will hasten the day “when [our] faith shall be sight.”