1. Be humble. You aren’t God. You don’t know why God has her on this path. Truth be told, we hardly know the path that we ourselves are on, much less someone else.
2. Be humble. Being “a helper” can look a million different ways. You haven’t heard her conversations with her husband and don't know what he desires her to be doing.
3. Be humble. You don’t know how God has gifted her. She may be fulfilling God's call on her life to further the kingdom of God in a very specific way. Remember that you are not privy to the inner workings of God's hand.
4. Be humble. You don’t know if what she is doing is her choice, or if she has a choice. In our current society of job loss and economic hardships, families are working together to make ends meet. Many say if a family would sacrifice a certain way of life, the mama could be at home. If she didn’t work, she may not be able to put food in her babies’ mouths.
5. Be humble. Don't judge her lifestyle. You may think she needs to simply live a different lifestyle or stop buying high-end purses. But the high-end purse may have been a gift and her company may compensate the delicious meal she had the night before. You don't know.
6. Be humble. You may think she is power/money/control hungry because she has a career. She may just be built in a particular way by God and actually be good at what she's doing. You can't see her heart's motivations.
7. Be humble. After you accept that your plan for her life may not be God’s, create a space where you can actually love her and know her. Don’t condemn her for things that aren’t necessarily sin, but love her enough to explore the possibility that her path is different from yours.
8. Be humble. Don’t repent to her for silently judging her and let her know how terrible you think she is. Repent to God. Mostly, you have offended him in the lack of love towards your sister without her even knowing about it. By sharing this with her you are not helping, but can do much damage. Resolve to actively love her.
9. Be humble. Instead of being skeptical and questioning her every motive, strive to support her (and her family). Resolve to pursue her and be a true friend like Jesus was to so many. Seek to answer your curiosities about why she does what she does because you may learn from her, not in order to condemn her. She was created distinctly and uniquely by the perfect Creator.
10. And more than anything, be humble. Stop making much of your own opinion and little of God! You don’t know his journey of sanctification for her (or her family). You DO know that he has called her to love and know him; help her do that! You DO know that he has called you to consider her more than yourself; do that! Appreciate the fact that God makes every one of us in different ways and with different strengths and weaknesses! This is an amazing thing! Take the time you are spending judging your sister and instead, get to know the ultimate Creator of all things beautiful, even her.
Rebekah Hannah is a biblical counselor at The Grace Center for Biblical Counseling in Jacksonville, Florida. She is married to Andrew and has three daughters.