Devon Strain is a wife, mom to Elizabeth, and Quality Manager with Bemis Company in Shelbyville, KY. She and her husband John cherish opportunities to share their faith in Christ with others, especially those waiting on the Lord for the blessing of life.
After four years of seeking to conceive our second child and enduring the heartbreak of miscarriage, the emotional roller coaster had taken its toll on my life. This, along with other life struggles, brought me to the place where I realized I needed help shouldering the burdens the Lord had allowed me to suffer under. The desire to have a second child led to a strict regimen of endless symptom tracking, medications, and frequent blood tests - all which pulled me inward on a downward spiral toward despair. I saw myself withdrawing from my husband and daughter, experiencing anxiety on a level not felt before.
Something had to change.
My pastor, always at the ready to pray for our family and bring the wisdom of Christ to our lives, suggested seeking care from a counselor at One-Eighty Counseling and Education. Over the course of several months and with the help of community, my counselor and I worked to restore my understanding of the gospel so that it spoke with power, directly into the storms of my everyday life and struggle with infertility. Only the medicine of the scandalous grace of God, could bring restoration to my mind, heart, and soul.
My heart's lament.
The following lament is testimony to the ability of God’s Word to work powerfully within me, after the contents of my heart had been fully revealed before the Lord. His Word fills the empty spaces once occupied by worry. His power and strength give us courage to not face suffering alone. His Glory compels us to cry “Holy, Holy, Holy” - bowed down in awe of why God should choose to love us for all eternity.
Woe to you, O daughter of Eve
You, whose womb was once chosen
By God to carry a soul – that womb
Now remains empty and barren
Unable to sustain life given.
She walks other paths of emptiness
Another case with no answers
Only questions, tests, pills
More tests, More pills
Another chart, another temperature
The surrounding world claims the right
to create life on demand
to put her desire first
and force the hand of God.
Woe to you, daughter of Eve
For you have sinned as Eve
Not believing God’s word
not trusting His character
And sovereign will.
Your heart grew sick
seeking your own answers.
But you, O Lord, reign sovereign over
all time; the destiny of all souls
remains held in your hands.
Because of the Lord’s faithful love
we do not perish, for His mercies
They are new every morning;
Great is your faithfulness!
I say: The Lord is my portion;
therefore I will put my hope in Him (Lam 3:22-24)
It is good to wait quietly for
deliverance from the Lord. (Lam 3:26)
For the Lord will not reject us forever
Even if He causes suffering, He will
show compassion according to His
abundant, faithful love. For He does
not enjoy bringing affliction or
suffering on mankind (Lam 3:31-33)
For as the sufferings of Christ
overflow to us, so through Christ
our comfort also overflows (2 Cor 1:5)
Out of earth’s sorrows, into thy balm,
Out of life’s storms, and into thy calm,
Out of distress to jubilant psalm,
Jesus, I come to thee. (Jesus I Come, Sleeper)