If I apply the gospel to my desire for marriage, I come to realize that God won’t give me a husband because I’ve achieved it and reached “equilibrium.” If God does give me my husband, it will be in His own time, in His infinite wisdom, and as a gift, not as a prize that I’ve earned, but as something that is for my good and His glory. What freedom! I no longer have to hold myself to impossible standards. I’m free to trust God with my life and I’m free from the fear of messing up or failing to attain “equilibrium.”
Repeat after me.
I am a sinner. (I am a sinner).
Forgive me of my sins. (Forgive me of my sins).
I believe Jesus is the Son of God. (I believe Jesus is the Son of God).
Please come into my heart. (Please come into my heart).
Welcome to the Kingdom! You’re in!
. . . while God is a brilliant strategist, incredibly faithful, always surprising us and an ever-present help, He never promised that it would be easy. He never promised that it wouldn’t be exhausting, that our kids would always feel safe on the subway or that our savings accounts wouldn’t suffer. But He did promise that with Him we could have deep satisfaction and joy that only comes from having an eternal hope and eternal purpose.
Our walls and towers aren’t crafted of brick and mortar instead they are crafted of fear, worry, and anxiety. They aren’t just our fears or worries, other people are also contributing to them. While I’m speaking figuratively, when we quote the lines from Proverbs 4:23, “guard your heart” this is what we picture . . . a strong wall protecting us from pain and heartache. When others say this to us they are adding their own fears and worries to our self-made walls, adding to the over protectiveness of our hearts.
I realized my jerk syndrome had gotten out of hand when a new friend genuinely apologized to me for using cloth diapers and making her own baby food. I cringed inside as she spoke realizing the very thing I hate about the mommy world – pervasive comparison – was what I inflicted upon her as I tried to explain my aversion to “mommy-ness.” Yes. I am the reverse-discrimination jerk mother. And what a fool I am to think myself outside of the supposed “mommy war” just because I despise it.
The very fact that I hate it tells me I am very much inside of it.